I can't tell if we're bonding.

[LovelySydney]

I've had Oliver about 2 months now. Im becoming a little concerned about him only because he wants nothing to do with humans. He lives in our living room and is with us whenever we are home. He rides on shoulders or on heads, he has the run of the household and is able to come in and out of his cage (supervised) as he pleases. However, if I come near him with my hands he panics. He will fly all over the cage, anywhere to get away from me. He does this out of the cage too. I felt like after 2 months we would have bonded by now, especially because we have such a routine together but that doesn't seem to be the case. It's like every day we start over. It seems he never will trust me. He DOES step up when out of the cage and doesnt bite at all, I just feel bad that he is so scared of me. I worry he is stressed out when he's around us or that he isn't comfortable. We are going up to my cottage this weekend and he is coming. We have a nice cage for him to sit by the beach in:) I am doing all I can, Oliver is my baby and I want him to be happy. He seems to be more content in his cage then out with his parronts. He's in there right now preening his new toy (new toy for his first trip!!).


I know some birds never take to humans - am I just overanalyzing this?? He has a wonderful appetite & is in great feather and I know he is healthy. Could this just be his personality or is more time needed? Im obviously in this for the long haul, Im more than willing to give him more time - I just don't want to stress him out, if that makes sense??:confused: I guess I cant help but get jealous when I see pictures or hear stories about people with their birds and then I wonder why Oliver & I don't have that kind of bond. I know everything comes with time, I just don't want to force him to like me!!

[Pips mom]

Well......I can tell you that it took us ten months with my first bird, my cockatiel Woody for him to feel comfortable with us and feel like we had some kind of bond with him, so it could be that this bird just needs more time...some do, so that would be my guess. I wouldn't worry too much about it.....to me, my birds are my birds and they feel and act the way they do for a reason.....it's up to us to try to understand and just be patient with them. I love my birds the way they are.....never felt the need to try to change them, or rush them....just love watching them be themselves! Pip....he will never like hands, and that's fine with me........I still feel like we have some kind of bond....I understand all his chirps and sounds and know what they mean and totally get all the messages he sends, and I'm sure he realizes that. I do understand your need to have a close bond.....it's part of the reason that I got Ivy because I wanted that bond with a bird.....my tiels have each other, Pip will never strongly bond with a person and was parent raised, but the bond we have is enough for me!.....Ivy was hand raised and forms a strong bond with one person...that's me! so I am lucky.....we have that strong bond relationship, so I guess I don't feel the need much to have that with the others.....I do feel a bond with all my birds.....Woody even seems to seek us out and seems to love us the same....even though he has his girl! Boss is just timid, but will allow me to handle her.
No matter what....eventually this bird is going to calm down, form a bond, and be perfectly content.....he has to get used to things eventually. How strong the bond is depends on his personality. I would just give it more time and not be so concerned about it....he'll come around! :)

[momo]

Elmo is the same with hands. She absolutely hates them because I force held her when she was younger. But if you think about it.. the size of your hands compared to the size of a lovie. I'd panic too. I always offer my arm to step up instead and let her decided whether she wants to come for a ride or not.. after all she is a lovie, therefore she is the queen.

It just takes time. I was the same as you at first, I wanted to scritch elmo, I wanted her to ride in my pocket. But with Elmo that just isn't the way we operate, it's not her personality. I began to look at things in a different way. I realised when I came home and was walking up the stairs to my apartment, or even when i was downstairs parking the car. I could hear her chirping and she would chirp and chirp until I got through the door and said hello to her. Now, if we come home and don't say hello to her first, she will give us 5 minutes (I think that is her time allowance to go to the toilet) and then she will scream until we say hello to her.

I think the fact she flies too you is a very good indication that you are bonding. I think baby steps is the way. Look at small things as an accomplishment. If she sits with you while watching a whole tv show. Preens your hair. Grinds her beak on you. Just little things that shows that he is comfortable with you.

Like Pips Mom, it took me a good 6 months before I could really believe that Elmo loved me in her own special way. And I have had her since she was 2/3 months.

[bookworm0550]

you know, i've had pan since january. he still is a bit skittish, BUT i have noticed a huge improvement in him. he hops onto me now w/ no fear. He still hates hands, but as long as my hands are covered w/ a sheet or shirt, he'll step up. before I couldn't even do that w/ him. i think he's only begun to get comfortable around me. i also think the fact that he's in love w/ evolet helps cuz if she's on me, he wants to be next to her too, so he would have to be on me. Muahaha.

I think it'll just take a little bit longer w/ oliver. i know, it's frustrating. some days Pan acts like he doesn't know who i am and then other days, he'll show a huge improvement only to go back to the way he was. but it's work and it's progressing slow. My mantra w/ Pan is "just be patient"

I don't need him to be bonded to me the way jada and joey are cuz that can be
annoying (trust me, i can't do anything cuz joey and jada want to sit on my fingers the whole time), but i definitely want him to trust me the way the others do. So, just be patient :) Think about how I feel and it's been 6 months since i got Pan. And he's only now starting to come around. I figure I have Pan for life, so sooner or later, he'll have to learn to trust me. at a snail's pace of course :)

[Tango's_Mom]

Bonding, and being tamed to hands are in no way the same thing, It took 6-7 months before tango would step up onto a finger and even then he wouldn't stay there, didn't want to be pet and etc. Now after 3 years he will sometimes stay sitting on my fingers and sometimes allow petting, but only when he wants it. But if you try and force him to just get used to your hands, it will likely only make it worse, I did everything I could to avoid forcing scaring tango with my hands and eventually he got over it, I hid my hand under a sweater to get him to step onto it, used a dowel etc. made sure to give him plenty of space if my hands were in the cage for cleaning etc. and tried to avoid and sudden or threatening movements with them when he was out with me, i let him climb all over me, but he only had to approach my hands if he wanted to. Eventually he started accepting treats by hand, then I could touch his back briefly, then he learned to step up. Just because a bird is afraid of hands, doesn't mean they aren't attached to you.

[FuzzyAga]

One thing I've noticed regarding hands, is if you keep your fingers together; i.e., the less your hands look like the talons of a raptor, the more comfortable they are. I've noticed this instinctive shrinking back with cats, too. If you approach from above with your fingers spread wide, the cat will flatten himself to the ground and pull back. But if you do the same manuever with a fist, the cat will stand pat.

This change may make a slight difference, depending on Oliver, but I think it may help a bit. Also, I try to approach them from slightly below, never from above--for the same reason I've already given. Even when I offer them treats, I always bring it from below and then up to the mouth area.

It took about a year, maybe more, to bond with Juanita. I'm not bonded with Petey; he tolerates me, and he trusts me, to a point (the hands, y'know, the hands!). It's OK with me--I don't want another bird clingying to me. Hang in there!

[LovelySydney]

Thanks for all the responses everyone - My boyfriend says its my fault because we got him the Taj Mahal of cages (his HQ single flight cage) so he never wants to leave!! LOL I wouldnt either, he adores his cage and being all over every toy and rope and perch. Im just going to let him have his own time. I have noticed that when I leave the room he screams until I come back, so I figure he knows who I am or at least knows when Im gone. lol. I do adore my little Oliver so time and patience is all he'll be getting!!!