Lovebird is jealous of my baby???HELP

[marylouwho]

hi everyone,
im a new owner of a single hand fed/raised lovebird. Mimi is almost 4 months old. very friendly and snuggly and loves to be with me on my shoulder or on my head, n my shirt or just following me around. The problem is that i have a baby who is also 4 months old and i think mimi is jealous of him :omg: . She is always trying to bite him :very_sad: . She doesnt bite anyone else(my husband or 2 older boys) and if im feeding him she flies over and tries to bite his fingers. the baby was the first person Mimi flew to, now she doesn't want me anywhere near him :( . I cannot hold them at the same time for fear of her hurting my son. I do spend alot of time with Mimi and put her in her cage when the baby is nursing or just with me but i think me putting her in her cage when i have him is making it worse! help! How can I get them to play nice :confused: ? I dont like to cage her during the day and would love to let her come and go as she pleases. She sits with him on his jumperoo :blush: with him and doesn't bite him....its only if i have him that she comes over just to bite him, i would love for her to get along nice with everyone! has this happened to anyone?? any advice??? What should I do (other than always seperate them...don't want that)??? please help!

[Enko_chan]

EDIT: Welcome! I hadn't noticed you were new to this forum until I re-read your post... you've come to the right place. I hope we can be of some assistance!

You are the object of his jealousy- which is completely normal and average for a parrot-especially a lovebird. Also- your lovie is a baby who sees you as a mother figure at this point! Just like your baby does, but in many ways you birds' thoughts and emotions are developing faster than your human child's! (I have one parrot who began TALKING at 10 weeks old, and my new baby parrotlet says "scritches" and "sweet" at 2 months old.) It may be even more complicated by the fact that he likes your baby and is jealous of the closeness you two share.

I can't hold two of my birds at the same time- except Freyja and Odinn who are so closely bonded to each other they don't care- even if they like each other when I'm not involved. The word "share" is not in their vocabulary and the concept is not in their behavior repertoire. It doesn't make them bad, its just their nature. It isn't something that's easy to correct.

Babies and small children should be dealt carefully with birds in general. Until your child is old enough to protect him/herself from the birds' bites, and is mature enough to understand how delicate the bird is, both are in danger of being injured by accident. I have a three year old nephew that, despite his intelligence, lacks the understanding of how delicate the birds are and fails to see them as living beings with feelings as real as his own... and conversely, I have a three year old niece that can hold the birds and is very caring, gentle and unafraid of them.

I have three nieces/nephews under the age of 1, and grew up with birds in a house with 7 younger siblings- and in general, we'll let a tame bird visit with babies under close supervision, but I've always avoided holding birds and babies at the same time because of the jealousy factor, and my mother says the same. Birds think very much like very young children- but lack the ability for human forethought and self-control that even a toddler may exercise.

I have two parrotlets that like one another very much, LOVE each other and are very gentle together- and they are both also bonded with me. I can't hold both of them together because they will fight each other and bite me. However, I can sit right next to them, only inches away, and they will play nicely.

Maybe someone else has better insight- but my recommendation is to avoid holding them both at the same time. I am hoping that someone else has a success story and a way to get past the jealousy and aggression! It is possible that with your bird and baby growing up together, your bird will outgrow it. There're always exceptions. Birds' personalities vary.

[linda040899]

I agree with Enko_Chan regarding the jealousy. Your lovebird is very bonded to you and does not want to share you with your son. This is very common with all parrots and you never know when jealousy is going to rear its ugly head! I have a male and female Military Macaw and the male is very bonded to me. The female is insanely jealous and I always have to be very careful about knowing where she is when I handle him. To be unaware is to risk serious injury to my person.

For the moment, whenever you have your son with you, your lovebird will have to be in the cage. You may be able to put together a play area for your lovie for entertainment purposes while you have the baby but there's no guarantee that the bird will stay there. I have a feeling that as your son gets older, the jealousy will not be as intense but it's a matter of wait and see. It's important now that you understand what's happening so that you can work on a plan of action.

[marylouwho]

thank you so much. I have been getting my husband to hold mimi while the baby is nursing so she doesn't feel like shes being ignored when the baby is awake. I hope this will make her feel better (i feel bad for her). She is such a sweet bird and I was in love with her since we met,,,,,,,,,,same goes for my son ;) I wouldn't want either to get hurt but also don't want either to feel neglected in any way. would it still be ok to let Mimi out while the baby is awake and playing ?????(not in my arms)...she doesn't seem to bother with im unless i have him in my arms.....Id rather let her sit on someone elses shoulder than always put her in her cage...just seems unfair to be cooped up whenever the baby is awake....as long as im in the room watching them they should be ok right?....and when i hold my son just let someone hold mimi or cage her? I just feel bad because shes a little monkey and begs to be let out of her cage unless its night time...she really enjoys having freedom in the house.

[linda040899]

If your lovebird is OK being with your husband while you nurse your son, that's the way to go! I think you're going to find that the only time you have to worry is when you have your son with you. That's when your lovebird gets jealous. Otherwise, it's not an issue. I would not be complacent, however, about that always holding true and would still be watchful but I think the situation will work itself out.

Right now, your son is a baby and Mimi is also young. The dynamics will change as both get older.

[Pips mom]

I really can't picture Pip getting jealous....it's just not in his nature! He's too busy having fun. He doesn't even care when I take Ivy...his love! Now Ivy on the other hand....she not only gets jealous, she gets angry too! The tail fans and sometimes she'll even scream if I pick up one of my cockatiels! All I have to do is talk to another one of my birds and she'll run right over for my attention! She doesn't even like it when I feed the other birds! She thinks it should ALL be for HER!! stinker!
At least your baby and your lovebird will both grow up and like Linda says, things will change and probably just a phase. It makes it alot easier to deal with things when you know it's something that will change or pass.

[Enko_chan]

Koko's like Pip- doesn't have a jealous bone in his body... takes after his Ma... but he's unique among all the parrots I and my family have ever known. Koko cheers for the other birds when they do "good" things... and when I babysit my nephew/neices- he really enjoys their presence, even if it means I can't hold him. He knows what a human baby is and will call out "Hi Baby! Hi Baby! What's up Good Baby?"

Benny on the other hand, is like Ivy! Both I and his sweetheart Sayuri belong to him and he throws and unholy tantrum when anyone else shows either of us the least bit of attention! Most of the parrots I know fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes, but usually toward the side of jealousy.

Parrots are as individual as human beings are, though and as every relationship and every family has a different dynamic that is constantly evolving- so does the family/flock. Situations with young children and young birds change A LOT as the two age, and while many variables are outside of our control, with gentle urging, the dynamic can be ushered in the right direction over time.

[marylouwho]

thanks everyone. I can't wait for the day the two are buddies! my son just stares at Mimi and is facinated by her. It will be fun to watch their relationship grow. Its also kinda neat that the are only two weeks apart in their age. Im sure everything will work out in time i will just keep them apart so they are both safe.

[Pips mom]

Awww....something tells me they might just end up great buddies in time!

[bookworm0550]

i agree w/ pip's mom. they're gonna be best friends someday :) i certainly hope when i have a kid, my birds will still be alive and my kid be old enough to know them, otherwise, i'm gonna be that crazy bird lady motioning the kids to sit on the couch while i show hundreds of photos of my birds.