I dont know what to do anymore

[Emy]

Hi. I need your help again I guess... Gringolo stopped responding to the clicker and he is still scared of our hands. We try as hard as we can to tame him so I read a lot and watch a lot of videos on youtube but I just keep on thinking the birds on the videos are already trained because NONE OF THE BIRDS I SEE FLY AWAY DURING THE DEMONSTRATION.

Gringolo has his wings trimed, but keeps on running away. We just cant train him if hes always running away from us! The birds I see are calm, somehow try to bite at some point, but at least they stay on their perch...

Gringolo bit my bf a few times... tried to bite me but I never let him reach (I think my bf is getting to close to quickly and I told him to wait patiently for him to come by himself, thats what I do and the bird seems less nervous and sometimes come) well anyways that really annoyed my bf...

I am scared now because my bf is getting sick of it :very_sad: I just dont know what to tell him anymore. I try to show the bird that our hands are friends and we wont hurt him and I KNOW it will take time... but is there any way we can make it stay close when we want to approach him? I didnt try to pet his head yet, but we eventually wish we will be able to and my bf is discouraging me telling it will never like us......... I dont know what to do I dont want to sell him...........

[kimsbirds]

I think you have to take a giant step back and relax.

It sounds as though you're working at a quicker pace than bird is comfortable with.
You won't be able to "make him" stay still when you approach him, he's not ready for that step yet.
Open his cage, sit down, turn on the TV, and invite him out.
It's really up to your lovie to make the first move..when HE'S ready.

How long will it take? A month...two...maybe a year...

But you've also got to understand that the relationship you build with him may never be a "handling" type of relationship. If you look beyond the "hands on" approach, you'll be amazed at the type of bond you can have with him.

Many of our members have amazing close bonds with their birds, yet have never had them step up, or sit on their shoulders. Sure, it's an amazing feeling, but honestly, some birds simply don't ever get to that level of comfort.

I really don't mean to be a 'downer'...I'm not trying to be anti-social (in bird terms) but selling him, to me, isn't an option.

As a P.S., there could be a detectable level of frustration on your part, which he's sensing, pushing him further away from your attempt at bonding.

Get out your camera, let him entertain you with his actions and antics, rather than expecting physical contact with him...they truly are fiesty funny goofy beings..!!!!:happy:

[Emy]

Actually I feel my bird is more confortable with me than with my bf. I am perfectly happy with my birds behavior... but my bf isnt and keeps on asking me to look online or call pet stores and blames his negative attitude on me saying I was the one who wanted an interactif animal... But my bird IS interactif lol. Ive even learned to observe it closely and I can now understand some of its ''tweet''.

Single high pitch tweet with open wings = go away you're scary.
Same but with many tweet, kinda like a twee-twee-twee-twee-twee-twee-twee really fast = now i am really angry
But also I noticed that he can do this same sound while playing and it doesnt mean he is angry.

So sometimes what I do, is I use the same ''notes'' that my bird uses to communicate, so it might understand. Let me explain (and tell me if its good or not, if not ill stop right away) :

Tonight, it was sitting on my forearm and ive shown him my other hand from afar, and i was sloooooooooooooooly getting closer while gently talking to him. When I got close it opened its beak as if to bite and I make a quick ''TWEET!'' on the same high pitched note that HE does when he is scared and removed my hand. My bird seemed interested, yet, didnt fly away.

I dont plan on selling it, but I am just scared my bf will want me to :very_sad:

I will continue to work with gringolo, and try to convince my bf to give him more time. Thank you for you answer =)

[kimsbirds]

Well, I can sometimes help with lovies, not so much with boyfriends:confused: LOL
Good Luck to you !!

[lemonypickett]

Sorry to hear of the bird/bf dilema.... not sure if you remember, but in 2008 I had bought a "used" Eclectus named Dewey from Craigslist.... he made an awful honking sound and the bf (the one at that time) basically said it is me or the bird! I chose him (as we lived together and I didn't have any other options at that time) and have lived to regret my decision.

I often think of Dewey and wish we were together, never that of the bf! lol

So... however impractical.... I say.... find a new human :)

But, whatever your decision... you will find our support here. I know how difficult these decisions can be.

[linda040899]

So... however impractical.... I say.... find a new human :)
When I was dating my husband, I brought him to my home to introduce my flock to him and vice versa. I prefaced the intros with the fact that the birds and I are a package deal.....all or nothing. My husband was not a bird person at that time but the transformation has been nothing short of amazing! The lovebird would be a keeper for me. :)

[Joannadk]

Hi Emy.

I think Kimsbirds are right. It might not be you who are taking the quicker path, that the bird is comfortable with, but maybe your boyfriend are scaring the bird so much, by approaching quicker than the bird is prepared to, so the bird ends up being insecure of anyone who approaches him.

Could you tame him in the cage? I've just started clickertraining and I'm doing it in the cage. So far both my Fischers are coming towards my hand (=trust), to get a bite of millet, when they hear the clicker.
When doing it in the cage, you can easily see, when you're moving too close, because the bird will step away. Find the point where he's comfortable and work with him there.
The scariest of my birds has progressed from being 20 centimeters away from my hand to now being 5-10 centimeters away from hand. And she was the one, who would hang in bars at the very back of the cage, when we just walked past.

About the time of making a bird tame, I have heard that it can take up to a year, for the most nervous bird to step up on a hand or finger. So no one can expect to tame a bird in a few weeks/months.
I think you have to explain this to your boyfriend, so he might realize that he needs to be patient. Very patient.
And explain to him, that when he approaches the bird too quickly, he'll end up making the bird even scarier, and all the training up to that point is wasted.
Your boyfriend might not like this, but that's the reality and if he can accept that you're good. If not, then I'm not sure if he'll ever be any good with kids, since they take a lot of patience too. That might be something to think about.

Joan

[Emy]

thank you for all your aswers! I told him that yesterday when I saw the first replies and he calmed down =) I think he was just pissed thinking I was disapointed in the bird, while I wasnt lol

[Joannadk]

Hi Emy.

Ohhhh, that's so nice to hear. I'm very happy for the 3 of you. Sometimes it's just better to say it out loud, because we might get a different answer than we thought.
Good luck.

Joannadk

[Emy]

thank you SOOOOOOOOOOO much for your answers and encouragement!!! Since I shared these info with my bf, we have been more patient and it give me a nice kick in the *** to open my mouth and TELL my bf what he was doing wrong according to Gringolo's body language.

Yesterday and today, Gringolo impressed us A LOT. Since my bf works at home, I got home before he had done so I spent the whole time with Gringo while my bf was in the other room working, and I talked and talked and talk to him like I was talking to a baby that doesnt understand, at some point I didnt know what else to say so I was just saying ''blah blah blah and blah blah blah!'' with a nice gentle mother voice and Gringolo was just looking and paying attention on my shoulder. After a while, I stopped talking because I was eating my pizza, and I THINK Gringo started becoming jealous!!!! My hands were busy with the fork and knife, so he stepped down my shoulder to get on the side of the couch, jumped on my forearm (first time he did that BY ITSELF) went on my hand and tried to BITE my fingers. I read the ''biters not so anonymous'' section so I did what I read : nothing. I stopped everything I was doing, stopped talking, stopped eating, and I was JUST looking away, ignoring him. Then, I showed him a pizza crust, he tasted it and got away, but THEN, AFTER A QUICK SILENCE BREAK, HE RUBBED HIS HEAD ON MY ARM !!!!! LIKE A CAT !!!! I WAS AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZEDDDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!

I told by bf once he was done working but Gringo was already sleepign but he had a nice demonstration this morning, when my friend texted my so while my fingers were busy answering, Gringo did the same thing : he went on my hand and started biting my CELL PHONE hahahahhah!!! JEALOUSYYYYYYYY hahahahaha!!! After that, I wanted to TEST Gringo to SEE if he was truly jealous so I took a cat ball toy I bought for him whick he never wanted to play with in my hand and started going ''ohhh thats a niiiiiiice toy oh my how funnn!!!'' and guess what... In about 5 minutes he was on the table playing with the ball!!!! =D

[Joannadk]

Hi Emy.

Congratz, it seems like you have found the pace with Gringolo. It means so much meeting the bird where he is and not to expect too much of him. Just see what you get, when you take things slowly according to Gringolos pace.
I hope your BF, gets a couple of these moments too. They are so precious.

Joannadk

[lemonypickett]

Awesome!

Can't wait to hear more! And see pics!