Concerns (long!)

[ibrevity]

About four days ago, I contacted the breeder I purchased Elysium from. At that point, I had had her for about... two weeks.

I emailed the breeder mainly to ask if what I was doing was okay, and listed off everything. I explained that she was comfortable with me next to her cage and would eat around me and such, but was fearful of my hands. I had finally gotten to the point where she would eat millet if I held it between two fingertips (but not in my palm). She would make noises to me, although never anything that really seemed like contact calls, persay. She did have favorite songs she would chirp to too (a behavior she has completely stopped now...).

So, I explain all this, and she emails me back and says I've given the bird a chance and now I needed to make it on my terms. She said I should catch Elysium and take her to a smaller room, such as the bathroom, to socialize.

Let me provide some background, if you haven't seen my other threads. Elysium is about four months old, born August 11th, handfed and handraised. She was used to be handled daily when I purchased her on November 21st.

I didn't want to force her, because I've been reading all over that I would break her trust. However, I trusted the breeder's advice so I did it.

That evening, Elysium climbed on my shoulder when she needed a ride. I was thrilled!

I told the breeder and it says on her care sheet that I should give Elysium an hour to two hours inside her cage and then take her out for another thirty minutes. So for the past three days, that's what I've been doing.

Now, though, I have some concerns. She is extremely afraid of my hands now. When I go to get her, or even get close to her cage, she starts breathing really hard and goes to the farther and higher corner. Ever since I got her I left her door open trying to tempt her to come out and she never did, didn't even seem interested. I always have to catch her to take her out; inside the cage she will not step up, and she runs from me. She has never bitten me, or acted aggressive at all, just scared.

When I have her out on my shoulder or wandering around she's fine and completely calm again. She'll step up cheerfully for me (although she will still shy from hands/fingers). She enjoys being on me as far as I can tell, and preens my hair and nibbles my ear affectionately. Earlier today, she even dozed on me.

Honestly, I feel like I've taken a giant step back with her cage manners though. Sure, it's awesome being able to handle her, but I can't even sit next to her cage anymore to talk to her without freaking her out (if I don't try to get her and just sit there, real still and murmuring to her, in about two minutes she'll calm down).

I guess I'm just worried I did a stupid thing, and now she's peeved at me.

Should I stop doing this and let her settle again, or continue so I don't disrupt the pattern? The breeder says after about a week of doing this, Elysium will start to see me as her new family and be calm about the whole thing.

Any opinions on this by chance? :whistle:
Thanks!

(and sorry for the long explanation, lol)

[lovie_couple]

I'm unsure if we can officially say what you did was right or wrong. If you want your bird to be unafraid of your hands, then perhaps this was the wrong choice. However, I think some people have probably done the exact same thing and have success! I believe mostly it is up to the bird.

Word to the wise, most lovebirds I believe tend to avoid hands for numerous reasons. My lovebird basically will step up when "he feels like it." Sometimes it'll take him a few tries before he will step up. Sometimes, though I try and avoid it, we have to play chase a bit because he associates my hand as putting him back in the cage, and if he doesn't want to be in the cage, he will avoid my hands as long as possible. And for some unknown reason Gigi will always gently bite my finger before stepping up, and I have no idea why.

Also the cage is THEIR territory. When your hands are in her cage, it's the equivalent of a burglar in your house. That's why most say let the lovebird come to you, or otherwise they'll see you as an intruder for a long time. Gigi doesn't mind my hands in his cage too much, but nevertheless I let him walk out of the cage on his own, or have him step up for me on the perch nearest to the door. That's how he also learned the words "come here" because I'd say that to him when I opened the door. lol

Um also, one thing I remembered Linda told me once, is that sometimes lovebirds like to be on our shoulder for dominant reasons. They know we can't control them too well, and we have limited sight. So they like to sit right on our shoulder or behind our neck.

My suggestion is to perhaps avoid putting your hands in the cage for now, and lure her out with food or soothing words. Perhaps start at the basics and go from there.

Hope I helped a bit :) Good luck. And your bird is beautiful by the way!:happy:

[ibrevity]

Thank you so much for the advice and the compliment; I too think she is just beautiful! :blush:

The problem with letting her come out herself is that she shows absolutely no interest in it. I'm actually a little lost. I have a ladder set up to a perch in her cage that would make it very easy for her to come in and out; and although her wings are clipped, she can still get quite a lift and can definitely glide, so I know it isn't flight problems.

I've left her door open for four+ hours on occasion, with millet sitting right at the bottom of the ladder out of her cage; and she'll certainly sit at the front and chirp at me curiously, like she wants out, but her interest ends there. If I come over to her and offer her my shoulder/arm, she just moves away from me. When she's out though, this isn't a problem, because she'll step up wonderfully. She has never come out on her own. When I'm in her trying to prompt her to come out the television is on, but at a very low volume, my rats are always sleeping and silent (because I do it in the afternoon), and it is only me in the bedroom with the door shut, so I can't figure out what is making her hesitate.

I'll see if I can find anything else to persuade her to come out. Millet is her favorite food by far and so far even that isn't working... thanks though, maybe I just need to get creative lol. :rotfl

Also, about the shoulder dominance thing; I was worried that that's what she was trying to achieve, but the breeder said it was okay for her to sit on my shoulder and she seemed the most comfortable there by far, so I keep letting her. In fact, she fidgets restlessly when kept on hands or arms and always climbs to my shoulder, even if on my lap or anywhere else. Do you happen to have any ideas to correct this behavior? I wouldn't mind her sitting there on occasion, but I don't want to foster aggression issues.

[Pips mom]

I've always just let my lovie go wherever he wants to go......if he wants to sit on my shoulder, I let him.......if he starts yanking my hair......I shoo him away! or if he bites, but otherwise, if he behaves himself, he has free reign. I just love having my lovie with me and spending time with me, so I'm not too picky about where he is......I'd rather see him happy then fuss over minor stuff like that. When he sits on my shoulder, he also fidgets around restlessly and tends to bite little holes in my shirts! It annoyed me a little bit that he was ruining my shirts, but he's such a cute little monster! I go to work now and sometimes look down at my shoulder and see the little tiny holes he makes! He's only a lil lovie......it's how lovies are......mischeivous! and I wouldn't want to change a thing about him!
Can't really relate to your lovebird not wanting to come out of the cage...... Pip was shoving his way right out the front door of his cage the first day I got him! :rotfl
The one bit of advice I can give you is this.......people worry too much I think when they first get their bird that they're doing something wrong. I think first of all, you need to relax.......birds know when you're uptight! and the other thing is that you and your bird will work through all of this in time and be best buddies.......it's just one of those things that takes time and so you sit back and do the best you can........follow your instinct and what seems to make her happy and just do the best you can. As long as you show your bird love and that you care, she will come around!.....then you won't be able to sit at your computer with a bird on you! :rofl:

[lovie_couple]

I too didn't have the heart to let him off my shoulder! If that's where he wants to be, I let him. Except when he starts attacking the end of my glasses and chomps my ear instead! :rotfl Then it's back to the cage with Gigi!

If that is where she is comfortable, then there is a possibility that she will start investigating your hands on your own, and perhaps will become comfortable with them. It's hard to say, because each lovie is different. Perhaps stroking her beak with your hand might foster good feelings?

Just know, when I first got my lovie, he HATED HATED HATED being touched. He would sit on my shoulder and fingers but if I tried to pet him, he would screech as if I was breaking his legs. I thought I had gotten a touch me not lovie, but now, at around 8 months old, he loves being cuddled and getting his neck scratched. So perhaps it just takes awhile.