Separating bonded lovies?

[PR&MC]

Is it true that you cannot separate bonded lovies? We have had our Howl and Sophie for just a little over 6 months now and have kept them in the same cage. I think they are bonded, they like to sit right up against each other and preen one another. But they also bite at each others beaks and squabble a lot. Also, when I feed them millet Howl will not let Sophie get any. He bites at her or pushes her away, when I move my hand to try and feed her he starts biting me. Haha he really doesn't like her getting treats. I dont know if thats normal or not.
Anyways, after 6 months they STILL do not like us. And recently they have started getting nippy when I put my hands in the cage, ESPECIALLY when I get near their food.
I just want them to love me :( I think that Howl wants to like us but Sophie is so skittish I think it makes him a little skittish too.
I dont know if this is a good idea, but I want to get a second cage and keep them separated. Maybe if I'm the only option for bonding they will be more inclined to get to know me?
I wish I knew before I got two that it was so hard :(

[Pips mom]

It's NEVER a good idea to separate a bonded pair of birds. The way you can tell if they are a bonded pair is if you separate them and take one out of the cage and watch their behavior. If they get upset or yell to each other, then they are indeed a bonded pair and it's cruel to separate them. I know you want a closer relationship with them, but this is not the way. It really saddens me to see people who would do this or consider it. I know you want to still keep them near each other, but they won't be happy and I don't think it will accomplish anything. I had a bonded pair of cockatiels who just loved each other and the female died. It was heartbreaking to watch my male go to her and having to finally take her out of the cage and away from him. Birds love their mates, and grieve when they lose them. I'd give anything in the world to be able to give Woody back his mate......I know he still misses her, even a year and a half later. If only people were as loyal to their mates as birds are! and look at humans.........trying to make them like us. They are birds, not people, and they need their mate! Having two isn't necessarily what's making this harder. In time they will come around, patience is the key. You can't force a bird to love you.......just like you can't force a person to. All you can do is show love and alot of patience and spend time with them........

He bites at her or pushes her away, when I move my hand to try and feed her he starts biting me. Haha he really doesn't like her getting treats. I dont know if thats normal or not.

This is VERY normal! Pip does exactly the same thing to Ivy all the time!:roll:

[michael]

....... I think that Howl wants to like us but Sophie is so skittish I think it makes him a little skittish too........

Do you allow them out of cage time? Have you ever worked on "step up" using a wooden perch instead of your hand? .. If you think Howl wants to get to know you, then there's a good chance he does. You might try enticing him out for a little one on one using some millet or other treat, then take things slow from there. All it takes is to get the attention of one, and sometimes the other will follow suit. .........:wink:

[PR&MC]

Well I'm obviously not going to separate them if it would emotionally traumatize them. That's why I asked. I read somehwere that it's ok as long as you are there to create a new bond, then they won't be sad.

Yes I let them out all the time. Their cage is always open when I'm home, they love to be on top of it. I can't get them to step up AT ALL when they are on the cage. As soon as my hands get close to the, (unless I have millet of course) they run to the opposite corner. Ive tried giving them millet and with my free hand trying to get them to step up, I've tried holding the millet too far for them to reach unless they get on my hand or arm, nothing works. If I get on the floor I will hold millet and sometimes they will come down for it. Once theyre on the floor I can get Howl to step up pretty easily. And one time I just put my hand out for him and talked to him and he came right over and stepped up. But when Sophie is around he won't do anything. And Sophie just constantly runs away unless you're feeding her millet. It's hard to get them alone I live in a small apartment, they get distracted from me by chirping for each other. Howl has only made that little progress since we got him, and Sophie has just gotten less tame. I just don't know how to train them if they are together :(

[Pips mom]

I don't know either, maybe you could take one at a time and spend some one on one time in a different room, although in my experience, they always call to each other and hear each other and aren't happy when they aren't in sight of each other! My lovie Pip is very bonded to Ivy, a blueheaded pionus. Even though he loves her, he always comes to me and wants to spend time with me as well, so I've never had this kind of problem. Maybe someone here with two bonded lovies might be able to give you advice on this. I also had two bonded cockatiels who I've never had issues like this with. All my birds have formed a relationship and bond with me even when they've had a mate that they're bonded to. I really think that if you just do your best to spend some time with them and keep on trying, that someday they will come around, even Sophie. Some birds just take more time!

[PR&MC]

thanks so much for the help. and yeah, thats what happens when I try to do one on one. It's ok for a few minutes then they just start squawking and searching frantically for the other. I guess I just have to be more patient.

[rita27]

It's NEVER a good idea to separate a bonded pair of birds. The way you can tell if they are a bonded pair is if you separate them and take one out of the cage and watch their behavior. If they get upset or yell to each other, then they are indeed a bonded pair and it's cruel to separate them. I know you want a closer relationship with them, but this is not the way. It really saddens me to see people who would do this or consider it. I know you want to still keep them near each other, but they won't be happy and I don't think it will accomplish anything. I had a bonded pair of cockatiels who just loved each other and the female died. It was heartbreaking to watch my male go to her and having to finally take her out of the cage and away from him. Birds love their mates, and grieve when they lose them. I'd give anything in the world to be able to give Woody back his mate......I know he still misses her, even a year and a half later. If only people were as loyal to their mates as birds are! and look at humans.........trying to make them like us. They are birds, not people, and they need their mate! Having two isn't necessarily what's making this harder. In time they will come around, patience is the key. You can't force a bird to love you.......just like you can't force a person to. All you can do is show love and alot of patience and spend time with them........

He bites at her or pushes her away, when I move my hand to try and feed her he starts biting me. Haha he really doesn't like her getting treats. I dont know if thats normal or not.

This is VERY normal! Pip does exactly the same thing to Ivy all the time!:roll:

I couldn't agree with this more!

Maybe you can start by trying to offer millet on your hand - if they want any, they have to take it from your hand. Maybe they'll start associating you to nice things (like treats and time out of the cage) and will start liking you. However, in my opinion this will be hard to accomplish if you're not willing to spend a couple of hours a day with them.

[PR&MC]

It's ok to have them out and away from the cage for a couple hours? I've heard it was best to do short training sessions because they start to get irritated and then it's no longer effective. I am so willing to spend a couple hours with them, I just always kept it to about 15-20 minutes bc I though it was bad to have them out for too long until they got used to me and started liking me.

[PR&MC]

Oh yes and they do eat out of the palm of my hand

[michael]

It's ok to have them out and away from the cage for a couple hours? I've heard it was best to do short training sessions because they start to get irritated and then it's no longer effective. I am so willing to spend a couple hours with them, I just always kept it to about 15-20 minutes bc I though it was bad to have them out for too long until they got used to me and started liking me.

While there are cases where short training sessions can work out rather well, i'm inclined to think that whatever amount of time YOU feel works best for you and your birds should be just fine, as long as you follow your instinct.

[starwynde]

I agree with Michael; no two lovebirds are alike and thus some will be more tolerant of longer training sessions than others. Gem had no issues sticking out the whole "up" game for hours on end (he figured it out within a couple of days, no dowel required) whereas Renegade, who lives with my mom back in Canada, had no patience with me and it took weeks for him to even willingly go near my hand. He would literally sit at the open cage door and stare at my hand for hours (his cage was next to my sofa so I could open the cage door, prop up my hand with millet in it, and watch TV...if he wanted to come out, he had to hop onto my hand, as his wings were clipped and flying was not an option.)

Your birds will definitely tell you when they've had enough training. Just have patience. My mom used to tell me "Rome wasn't built in a day" and I add to that neither was a relationship with a lovebird. But, like Rome, with the proper foundation and patience to see the plan through, you'll have a long-lasting relationship for years to come.

[rita27]

My advice was based on my experience with my lovebirds. I feel like when I spend more time with them, we get along better.
I wasn't really referring to training either, I just meant spending time with them. I think that the longer you stay in the same room as them, the more used they get to your presence and after a while maybe they won't just tolerate you but actually enjoy being near you.
Of course if you see them getting upset or annoyed at you, you should stop what you're doing because then they won't see you as someone who has treats and speaks with a soft voice but rather as someone who's just annoying.
Just do whatever seems to work with them, if they seem to be happy keep doing what you're doing.
I wouldn't keep them away from the cage, I'd keep the cage door open when you're with them so they can choose what they want to do.
I agree that no two lovebirds are alike and it's very important understand their language and be very patient.

[Arabianhorselover]

I think this is very well said. I do have a question. There is a Lovebird I am thinking of getting. It is probably male, though I don't know that for sure. Apparently he was bonded to a Green Cheek Conure, and they have been separated. I'm concerned that he may have emotional scars from this that might prevent him from bonding with me. I also have another male that is totally a "people bird". He doesn't care anything about other birds. I am concerned, however, that another Lovie i the house might get his attention away from us.

Comments, please.




It's NEVER a good idea to separate a bonded pair of birds. The way you can tell if they are a bonded pair is if you separate them and take one out of the cage and watch their behavior. If they get upset or yell to each other, then they are indeed a bonded pair and it's cruel to separate them. I know you want a closer relationship with them, but this is not the way. It really saddens me to see people who would do this or consider it. I know you want to still keep them near each other, but they won't be happy and I don't think it will accomplish anything. I had a bonded pair of cockatiels who just loved each other and the female died. It was heartbreaking to watch my male go to her and having to finally take her out of the cage and away from him. Birds love their mates, and grieve when they lose them. I'd give anything in the world to be able to give Woody back his mate......I know he still misses her, even a year and a half later. If only people were as loyal to their mates as birds are! and look at humans.........trying to make them like us. They are birds, not people, and they need their mate! Having two isn't necessarily what's making this harder. In time they will come around, patience is the key. You can't force a bird to love you.......just like you can't force a person to. All you can do is show love and alot of patience and spend time with them........

He bites at her or pushes her away, when I move my hand to try and feed her he starts biting me. Haha he really doesn't like her getting treats. I dont know if thats normal or not.

This is VERY normal! Pip does exactly the same thing to Ivy all the time!:roll:

[linda040899]

I also have another male that is totally a "people bird". He doesn't care anything about other birds. I am concerned, however, that another Lovie i the house might get his attention away from us.
Hard question to answer, as I've seen it happen both ways. Some parrots totally don't enjoy a companionship with other parrots. They are singletons who enjoy the company of their human slaves. If yours really likes his humans, a new lovebird may not make any difference. I believe Kim had that happen with a rescue lovebird named Rudy. Hopefully, she will chime in on this. :)