What am I doing wrong??

[Tiwohunter]

Okay, so I'm a first time lovebird owner and I'm having problems. I'm sure it's me so I'll tell you what I've tried and please give me tips and help on where to go from here.

Our lovebird came from a pet shop where he (guessing on that) did not get much socializing. I have no idea how old he is either so ~~

I've had Hershey for about a month. He's in a nice sized flight cage with his hideout and a good number of toys plus a birdbath. His cage is in the dining room so he's near the hub of activity in the home. I gave him a week to adjust to us, seeing us moving about and spending time around him to get a feel for us before I tried working with him.

Since then I've been putting my hand in the cage and speaking calmly to him trying to reassure him to no avail. He freaks guys, like OMG it's going to eat me. On his calmer days he will still only come within 12" of me.

I read the forums and decided to try bribery. He loves millet so I've been trying to hold a sprig out to him and we're back to square one. The last few days he's been unusually quiet and withdrawn. Today I played some lovebird sounds from YouTube for him and he really enjoyed that but again when I reached in the cage he had the healthy distance.

So what am I doing wrong? As fearful as he is I cannot let him out so what should I be doing? I've rehabilitated rats that were abused/neglected but Hersh takes the cake. Every time I feel we make progress it's followed by an immediate three steps back. I've made sure to be positive and keep sessions short (for both of us, don't want to overstress him or lose my cool and put off bad vibes) and try twice most days but we seem to be backsliding. Help? Suggestions?

[Iosevus]

Don't reach into the cage, let him come out to you. Not only is that his home you're reaching in but it's also surrounding him and cornering him.

[Tiwohunter]

So do I sit beside cage or wheel it in the bathroom and leave the door open -with the lid down and mirror covered? Will he go back in, feeling his home is safe or is there a way to get him in without scaring him/manhandling him?

[Iosevus]

I'm going to assume you don't have his wings clipped if so, I think getting them clipped temporarily to start with is a good idea. I had my little guy's wings clipped when I first got him.. I kinda felt bad the first time I saw him try and fly and not be able to, but looking back I think it was a smart choice.
It made it so he was dependent on me to move around around, which helped him warm up to me before he could fly again. As I had never had a bird before it gave me some "training wheel" time to bird proof my home (As much as one can be). You have to keep a bit of a close eye on them though, cause if they can get stuck behind things if they can't fly out.
If you try and build a relationship with him with full wings that could be more difficult. My little guy loves me to death, but when I need to get him in his cage and he doesn't want to go (Most of the time) I have to resort to trickery to grab him. Though this trickery wouldn't work if he didn't already trust me enough to fly right back on my shoulder after I tried to grab him. Of course, trying to scoop him up before he really warms up to you could be detrimental too.
That said, take what I say with a grain of salt, I've only had experience with one lovebird and they all come with their own personalities. Others here have had more varied encounters than I, but if I had to do it again, I would still have his wings clipped to start with.

[KiwiAndGuava]

Welcome! I was in the same situation as you last year, I know how frustrating it can be! your lovie might feel more comfortable to take the millet if you have a long sprig and hold it out to him, so he can eat it without having to get too close to your hand - thats what worked for me at the start(my birds didn't like millet through, such fussy eaters :rotfl I used a long sprig of grass seeds instead - you might want to try that). Also if your cage bars are wide enough stick it through from outside the cage and let him come and nibble on it :)
good luck!

[linda040899]

You are not doing anything wrong! Your new lovebird simply needs more time to realize that you don't intend to make him your next meal! In the wild, birds are prey animals and trust is learned through experience. I don't think I would let him out until he's a bit more comfortable with you. Just sit by his cage. Talk to him, eat meals with him. Lovebirds are very social and chances are when you eat, he will do the same thing once he's feeling comfortable.

It takes time, love, kindness and tons of patience to get the trust relationship you are looking for. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts.

[Tiwohunter]

Thank you everyone :) Hershey is going to the vet to get his wings clipped and I'll let it go at his pace.

[linda040899]

One caution on wing clipping. Make sure that both wings are clipped evenly and only clip flight feathers. The primary flights are the outside 8-9 feathers. The others are glide feathers and their function is just that, to assist in gliding. You want him to be able to fly just a little bit, just not gain height. He should be able to glide to his intended landing spot or land without falling.