I messed up... Bad!

[Mr.Palmisano]

I have a friend who has multiple lovebirds, and I was at his house. He told me that the bird would never lighten up to you if you didn't handle him, even if he doesn't want to be...

So, I came home, and tried. He ran and chirped and squealed, and freaked out... I feel so bad now. :( I really don't know what to do... It's so sad... All I want is a relationship with my bird, and I don't want him to run and be scared... I just don't know what to do... I think I may have broken the trust forever... My friend, his mom, and his dad all told me that the bird will NEVER be ready... I have to take it out and handle it. :(

Please, help me... I feel awful.

[linda040899]

All live creatures will respond to love, kindness and patience! You've got to believe that. Do you want just a tame bird or one who wants to be with you because he trusts that you will take care of him by doing the best for him that you can? If you want a tame but fearful bird, go ahead and handle him. Trust is not built that way. Trust takes time and there are no shortcuts. However, once you have it, you will see that it's well worth the time and effort that you put into it.

When Lori (bellarains) got Lacey from me, Lacey had been out in my aviary, unhandled, for about 2 yrs. Lori can tell you the story but it took her about a month of working with Lacey to gain her trust. It can be done. Sometimes you have to accept the relationship for what it is. I have a social CAG who is absolutely charming, loves to interact but hates to be touched. She will do just about anything I ask her on command.....except step up onto my arm. Well, that's OK because I accept the relationship as she wants it. These are live creatures and we need to respect their likes, dislikes and needs.

Take your time and start from square one in the morning. You may have done some damage but I don't think it's anything that can't be repaired.

[Mr.Palmisano]

I appreciate it, but I'm not sure what square one is. I am less then 3 feet away from the cage as we speak, and I am like this until I go to work every afternoon. The bird right now isn't in the corner of the cage, and he's quietly sitting there and eating his millet. I don't know what square one is. I'm just so confused. I love the little bird, even though I have only had him for about a week. Any tips on how to go about starting again?

[Venoma]

:(

Give him his space for now. Start back with giving indirect attention, and keeping your presence near - talk to him, keep your voice quiet but cheerful sounding. Make sure you talk in this manner to him anytime you need to change something in his cage so he will know you are not trying to be stealthy in any way. See if you can find something he likes outside the cage for him to enjoy while you're gone - like quiet music, or a tv, if you have one, or a moving screensaver - and introduce multiple treats daily. whatever he likes best. Give in small portions so you have an excuse to renew them frequently.

This is just what popped into my head and should help any animal become more used to a human - I would next work on stick training when he becomes more quiet - I am sure that this depends entirely on the bird, so try to best judge for yourself when he is ready, watch his body language, and back off if he shows signs of fear.

Good luck - you have the best of intentions and no matter what anyone tells you, your bird may be an exception to the rule. I wouldn't bring up the bird to your friend and his family again unless they ask you - they may have had multiple birds but I think the knowledge this board has to offer probably has them beat (excluding myself, I am far from an expert)

[BarbieH]

I don't think you messed up too badly. What if your bird was sick or injured? You might have to handle him, whether he is ready for it or not. He will come to accept that you are not there to harm him, but that knowledge needs to be built upon experience. It takes time.

If I were you, I would simply reach my hand into the cage, stretch out my fingers to one of his perches, and leave it there until my arm got tired. Do this every day, and the little one will start to get curious, or at least will get used to the closeness of your body in his cage, and he will continue to learn that it won't hurt him. If he beaks it, all the better. That's curiousity.

Best wishes, :)

[bellarains]

I am a firm believer that every animal needs love and interaction, it just might take them a while to accept it.

When I got Lacey she was totally freaked out. It probably had a little bit to do with the plane ride she took to get here, but for the most part she was taken away from her brother, her aviary, and Linda. In short, everything she had ever know was gone, and here she was in a totally foreign place with people, sounds and a birds chirpping that she had never heard before(my other lovie Bela). I will share what I did with Lacey, the good and the bad, cause yes, I did reach in and snug her up the second day she was here. That was not accepted too well, but then again, she did not totally freak out. I cupped her in my hands, and held her close to my chest for maybe 20 seconds, and then put her back in her cage. This was our first contact, and she survived it:lol

For the next few days I sat by her cage while watching TV or reading, and just talked to her sweetly. I constantly told her how pretty she is, and how sweet she is. Now I know she most likely did not understand exactly what I said, but she did understand the tone of my voice, and after a few days she would cock her little head and listen to me, occasionally she would make a little cheep noise back to me. Speaking of cheeping, whenever she would make a contact call, I would do my best to match her call, and cheep back in that same form. If she made a three cheep call, I'd make a three cheep call back, etc..... This helps you to become part of the flock, as it makes it seem like you are communicating with them in their own language.

The other thing I did was, at the end of each session I would clip a small piece of millet spray to Lacey's cage. This was my way of thanking her for spending time with me, and to Lacey it was a reward for doing so. Yes, I do resort to bribery whenever necessary:wink:

After about a week I would open the cage and let Lacey come out whenever she wanted to. I birdie proofed my bedroom and let her come and go as she pleased. Sometimes she would come out, sometimes not. When she did, each time she started to venture farther and farther from the cage. When she came out I never reached out a hand, I just sat there and talked to her. We did this for about a week or two, and then I started offering her her millet treat by hand. At first she would run, then she started snatching it, and eventually she would slowly reach out and take it from my hand, then run:lol She will now eat in my hand, but it did take quiet some time for this to happen. Hey, I got time:)

I will say that I think that my other lovie Bela had a little bit to do with Lacey trusting me. She did see how Bela interacted with me, and I do believe that it had something to do with her quick acceptance. I do however believe it would have still happened, as we made wonderful progress with just she and I, it just might have taken a little longer.

I did not acutally try and hold Lacey, or try to get her to step up until she quit running away from me. After she quit looking at me like I had two heads, I did start scooping her up, and holding her next to my chest again for short intervals. If she stuggled at all, I released her, and amazingly she usually just stayed on my hand. This took me 1-2 months to accomplish though, and I took my cues from Lacey. Their body language,the looks they give you, and their overall calm demeanor will let you know when they are ready for the next step, so you just take your cue from them.

I hope this was not too long. I really don't want you to be discouraged, as I think with the T=Time, L=Love, P=Patience, and everyday interaction you will have a realation ship with your little one. It very well may not be the snuggle, velcro birdie relationship that some have, and that is not what I have with Lacey, but we have our own special relationship, and it grows everyday. She does like to sit with me, she loves kisses, and there's nothing better that she loves than to have a very loud contact call conversation with me:happy:

It will happen. Go slow, as slow as you need. You two have a lifetime to form a relationship, and you will be so glad you gave him what he needs:)

[Janie]

I don't think you messed up too badly. What if your bird was sick or injured? You might have to handle him, whether he is ready for it or not.

I agree and I like Barb's idea of the hand in the cage, too! IMHO, the more they see you and hear you, the more comfortable they become with you.

The title of your thread scared me, thinking your bird had gotten out (outside) or been stepped on or something terrible. This is not terrible and can be rectified. I've never had to start from square one with any of my three since all of them came to me tame but even then it did take time, a couple of months at least, to gain their trust. I could handle them but I don't think they were really comfortable with that till they figured out that I really am part of their flock, I just happen to have hands instead of birdie feet. :D

Some lovebirds will never want to be handled, even if they are tame, but as Barb said, there will come a time that you might have to handle him and when he learns to trust you that will not be as big an issue.

[mandy]

Hi there I am new to lovebirds too. I've only had biscuit for about 3 months. Anyway what worked for me was that I opened the cage and allowed the bird out, while I was working on something else (well I was at least pretending to work on something else). But please be patient. One thing I learned is that it is just a matter od patience and trying to be sensitive to the likes and dislikes of ur bird. Good luck!

[Buy A Paper Doll]

When I brought home Milo (first lovie) he was very frightened, and there I was trying to get him out of the cage for his first vet visit. He freaked out. I felt terrible.

I had to go back to square one: Back off and let the bird come to me.

I spent hours every day sitting next to the cage with the door open, talking to him. He would come out but he wanted nothing to do with me. That was his first big step. Even though he was afraid of me, he understood that he could come out of his cage and nothing terrible would happen. Eventually he became curious about me. I was lying on the floor on my stomach watching TV one day when Milo fluttered over and landed on my back. I was able to slowly move to an upright position as he moved himself up to my shoulder. We walked around the house, me talking softly to him. After maybe 10 minutes, I bent over in front of his cage so that he could hop into it without being handled.

That was step two. He came to me. I earned his trust because when he came to me, I didn't just grab him. He didn't like hands and I respected that. Gradually, over several months, he learned that hands were not that bad. Hands bring the food and the treats and the toys. But I never, ever forced him. Every step of progress was at his pace. Not mine.

It took my Melody like a MONTH just to come out of her cage on her own. Again, I didn't force her. I didn't grab her. I just let her come out on her own, and I talked to her a LOT. Eventually curiosity got the best of her. Now I can't walk in the room without having her run to be on me. But after 18 months, she still is not a big fan of hands. That's fine, though, for me, because she will step up onto my arm.

I hope this helps! Just remember, patience, patience, and more patience. Do not force or rush this process and everything will be just fine.

[Tango's_Mom]

Hi, I don't think you've messed up that badly, when I'd had Tango for just over 24 hours, I had to pull him out of the cage to take him for his new bird check with the avian vet, then when we got home, one of his nails started to bleed (Luckily I saw it right away and he hardly lost any blood) so I had to drag him back out to stop the bleeding, he was MAD and scared, I've had him for 2 months now and I'm thrilled with the birdy he's become, in the long run the forced handling had little effect, now he comes to me when I open the cage, loves to climb in my lap or on my shoulder and will happilly settle down for a snack with me, he still won't stand on my hand or let me pet him, but he's starting to accept sitting on my arm, and I started stick training him yesterday, and he caught on very quickly, after about 2 15 min sessions he was consistently stepping onto the dowel. It takes time and patience (and for me a healthy supply of nutriberries) but it will come. Try taking his cage to a small enclosed room a few times a day (bathrooms work well, close the toilet seat and cover the mirror, make sure he can't get into anything) and open the door and sit near the cage, let him come out on his own, also, and this sounds a little crazy, read to him, it's an excellent way for him to get used to your voice and presence, (or at least it worked for me, I love to read, so it was something I was doing anyway that I could include him in before he would let me handle him).

[Mr.Palmisano]

I want to thank you all so much. I have the cage door open as we speak, and when I opened it, he just looked at the hole, and cocked his head. I think he's curious about it. I'm going to leavethe door open until about 3:30 when I have to get ready for work. The only thing is, that his wings are clipped... how will he be able to get back to his cage?

I'm going to try the tecnique that was mentions above, about putting your hand in the cage for extended periods of time. I am constantly in the room, talking on the phone, talking to him, listening to low volume music. My presence in the room doesn't scare him so much anymore.

I just hope he will learn that I'm not the enemy, and come to me one day.

[bellarains]

I have a ladder that I have used for mine to be able to get back inside the cage, and also I keep a comfy perch at the front door opening so they can come and go. Mine are partially flighted, and you may have to be his transportation until he figures out how to navigate for himself, but is you can rig up a ladder, or some sort of arrangement for him to hop to and fro on, that would work also.

If you let him roam on his own, be careful though, as they can get under foot very quickly, so first rule is always know where your bird is before taking a step, sitting down, or in general just moving at all.