Need help with my completely apathetic lovie!

[Becc]

Hi all! I'm new here and hoping to get some advice from all the lovie sages out there. :)

Okay, so, I have been mom to Silent Bob the lovebird for about six months now. He is two years old, healthy, supposedly was handfed as a baby, and has absolutely zero interest in getting to know me at all. After nearly 200 days of talking to him, changing his food and water, cleaning the cage, etc., he still looks like he's going into respiratory distress every time I get near him. He knows the "up" command, though I have to clamp my thumb on his toes to keep him on my hand if I want to bring him out. And once he's out....he sits stock-still and does absolutely nothing - aside from try to fly away if anything alarms him. He has no interest in treats or new toys, whether inside the cage or out. So. He isn't getting enough exercise, because he doesn't want to play when he comes out of the cage. His nutritional needs aren't being served properly because he has no interest in veggies, fruits, etc. And I think he's a bit depressed and lonely because there are no other birds in the house and he certainly hasn't bonded with me. His lack of interest in virtually everything is making it difficult for me to figure out any way to entice him, and also to reward him when he does something right.

I'm frustrated!!! My last lovie died at age 16 this past summer. She was not handfed and completely unfriendly when I got her, and somehow I became the center of her universe. I thought that I would have similar luck with another lovie, even if he wasn't particularly friendly to begin with.....However, it occurs to me now that I was given my last lovie when I was nine years old. I really don't remember what I did to bond with her. And her personality was much more interested and aggressive than Bobbers' is. I'm at a loss. I want him to be happy. Sometimes I think that since he did spend the first two years of his life in a room full of about 20 sqawking lovies, he may never be interested in bonding with people, and I may need to find him a companion. But I'm not ready to give up on him yet!!!

So sorry for the novel here. Any words of wisdom? Thanks!
Becc

[DebSpace]

Wow. At this point, I have several questions. When you say "healthy," has Bob been examined by an avian vet? You said Silent Bob, so does he chirp at all, whether you are in the room or not? Lovies are extremely curious by nature, so I'm surprised he hasn't taken to atleast one toy. Are you certain that Bob is a male, I mean, has he been DNA tested? What kind of lovebird is he? For veggies, have you tried fresh Kale? The answers to these questions might shed some light on things a little more for us.

[Becc]

No no, he's actually Not-So-Silent-Bob...He was just dead quiet the very first day we brought him home, hence the name. He has a pretty regular cycle of nap times and squabblesome times, isn't lethargic or losing weight or feathers, no nasal or eye discharge, no abnormal droppings, etc, and has an excellent appetite for his regular pelleted diet and some seeds. Let me clarify as far as his rather apathetic personality. It's ME and the treats and toys I try to introduce him to that he doesn't seem interested in. He's bright and alert, and loves to look out the window and watch what's going on around the house. He seems to like the toys he's had from day one well enough; it's new things that I can't seem to get a spark of interest in (sorry, I should have been more clear). I'm quite sure there's nothing physically wrong with him. That said, he has not been to an avian vet, but I would like to establish a relationship with one. He's a pied slate (or slate pied?), and I was told he was a male by the breeder, but I didn't ask if he had been DNA sexed (and I haven't had it done). Maybe his sex is less certain than I believed...As for the kale - haven't tried it, but I actually have some at home right now and I'll give it a go today! Hopefully this makes the scenario a little clearer!

[BarbieH]

Hi Becc;

A lot of times, birds will sit very still if they are still getting used to their environment. Also, some birds just don't seem to play very much. My Gracie is like that. At first, it seemed like the only things she was interested in doing were biting and shredding. She still does not really play like other lovies do.

Still, I got her a checkup because it was so unlike everything I had heard before about lovebirds. She was okay.

Where is silent Bob's cage positioned in the room? What kind of cage is it? Sometimes birds feel more comfortable if they are higher up, and especially if they have a wall behind them.

you may also want to place the cage in the area of the house where you spend most of the day. He is still watching, listening, and learning about you, even though he dummies up when you are right there in front of him. Can you eat your meals near him? That might help him feel you are part of his flock.

When you bring him out, what do you wind up doing? Could you offer him some millet? Regarding diet, I would recommend making him some birdy cornbread and let him see you eat it too. (Or pretend to eat it. Really, it's pretty good!)

[dmj64]

No matter where I place their cage, my lovies spend most of their day just chilling on the perch with brief, sporadic playful periods of jumping about and chasing each other around the cage. I thought that I wasn't providing enought toys, etc for them, but that is just how they are. The only other thing that would get their attention would be a nest box and shreddable stuff, and I'm not gonna do that again! Nesty stuff is not play!

[Becc]

Thanks for all the thoughts and ideas so far, everyone! :)

I'm beginning to feel less concerned about the rate of our progress together (which I perceived as rather slow) after reading what other folks are saying about their birds. I think part of the problem is that I had my last lovie (and no other bird) for 16 years. I was so used to her and her personality that, even though I know they're all unique, I somehow still expected the next one to be a lot like her....And he's NOT! He has his feisty moments, but he's just much less aggressive and interested than she was. I've been paying much closer attention to him since joining the forum, trying to take notice of everything, and I do think he's interested in me --- just still very uncertain as to whether I'd like to eat him or not.

Answers to some previous questions: His cage is, I think, in about the perfect location. He's right next to the kitchen table, in the living/dining area, backed up against a corner, and right next to a sliding glass door leading to our tiny deck. Lots of light, but no direct sunlight through the glass; he can see outside and he can see pretty much everything we do in the house, since most of what we do is in that living/dining area. And he gets to be right next to us when we eat.

So far, no interest in the kale, but I'll try again. Birdie cornbread might be a bigger hit, since, thus far, the only things he's taken from my hand have been a couple pieces of cracker and a piece of Clif Bar (not really the sorts of treats I want him to get used to). He seems to like crunchy things best.

My biggest problem is figuring out what to do with him when I take him out. Maybe I'll put up a new post about it, in case this one gets buried. He's so worried when he's out that he doesn't seem interested in anything. I tried to get him to take play in some water (no luck there), and with toys (no luck), and I try to give him treats (he rarely takes them). So here's a question for ya'll. Should I keep him out longer, and just let him hang out on my shoulder to de-sensitize him? Just go about my business and let him see that he isn't in danger of becoming dinner? Or should I keep the sessions shorter? My feelings thus far are that short sessions are getting me nowhere, because he's worried the entire time he's out and he's just relieved to get back into his house. What do you think? And any ideas as to what I should try to DO with him while he's out? I know he needs consistency, but I'm not sure what to be consistent with! I'm all ears.............:confused: