The Heartache of Wanting More

[Joanie Noel]

I'm kind of down, and I don't know why I'm posting about this, but you all are the only people who could possibly relate to my situation. I don't want to call this lovebird stuff an "addiction" because that sounds like a bad term. :( I just really have a hard time being around birds (lovebirds in particular) that I can't take home with me, like if I'm at a pet shop or even looking online. I'm an emotional person, and as bad as this sounds, I've left pet stores and breeder's homes crying because I wanted the birds so bad. I don't have many hobbies but those of my birds, and my birds fill my life with so much joy. I love taking care of them and making them happy. I have learned a LOT throughout my lovebird journey even though it only started in August '04! Everyone I know is amazed with how much information on lovebirds I've retained and can rattle off, and they are happy to see me happy... But I just think they see it as weird that I'm so into my birds! They say, "You have FOUR now?! This is it, right? No more? Just wait for baby birds?" But there are many more I want. I'm going to be moving into a 2-bedroom apartment that happens to be much less rent than my 1 bedroom right now, so I'm going to devote one room to my birds. I want a larger parrot, like a White-Bellied Caique, but I keep thinking about what other people will think of me. I have the money to take care of more birds, even a larger bird, and I have the time -- especially more-so when school starts and I'm working less. I still haven't gotten the violet I've wanted, and an avian rescue place near me has 3 adorable lovebirds right now that are up for adoption. I am one of those people that feels the need to save animals. I'm posting the link to the website so you can see the cute three lovies they have right now: http://www.centerforavianrehab.org/AdoptionList-Page1.htm (Just scroll down a little bit.) The dutch blue is gorgeous, and look at the other two! Spring, Summer, and Autumn are just too great of names... I wish I could "rescue" them.

I have come to realize that a huge reason why I keep getting more birds is to feel like I'm doing right by them and making them happy and keeping them healthy..... Because of my guilt over Colada's death. I have never handled death well at all. She passed away 2-1/2 months ago and I still cry over it sometimes. I don't know how to make the pain go away. Is this all wrong?

~ Joanie

[Mummieeva]

Joanie dear huge hug :grouphug1 You are not alone. I want more birds badly. but unlike you can I not afford as many as I want right now..lol. If you want more birds then go for it. Not everyone loves birds or even animals as much as others. I also have a hard time when i see rescue birds. I am still sad about the pair I found on petfinders and wanted. There are even more now too. You know your limits better than anyone. You can always wait til after your move to decide. But I know all of us here will support you and help all we can if you want more. We all joke about the darkside. But I think it is the love we all feel for birds that makes us want more. Hun I lost Angel my masked and Kiowa and i still miss and cry for both. Your not alone.


Steph :grouphug:

[Jezz]

I say if you want something then go for it, you only live once, don't worry what others think of you.
I think people who rescue birds are very good people, why go out and buy a new bird when you can rescue one that has had a tough life and give them a second chance.
Having 4 birds doesn't make you crazy, i have friends that have several hundred birds and they are as normal as the next person.

[Buy A Paper Doll]

(((Joanie)))

You are not the only one who feels this way.

Every time I see an animal that needs a home I want to adopt it. Whether it's a litter of kittens at the vet's office, or it's "adoption day" at the pet store, my husband has been trained to steer me away. If I let myself think about it too much I get myself all upset. So I have to keep reminding myself that I can't save all the animals, but I can make a difference in the lives of the two that I do have, and I can make donations to rescue groups which also helps make a difference.

Personally I was pretty down after the last bird show I went to, it was hard to see all of those lovebirds (and other birds too) in less-than-ideal situations. You know they're scared, it's loud there, and they're open to just anybody buying them at that point. I was particularly upset that they were giving away a lovebird in a cage as a raffle prize. The poor little guy (a violet) was terrified in the cage. It made me feel sick thinking about how this poor little bird must have felt. I wanted to buy him so they couldn't give him away. But they would have gotten another one and stuck it in the cage. There were hundreds of lovebirds and I just couldn't rescue them ALL from stupid people. As much as I love going to bird shows and getting the good deals, and even though I did get Melody at a bird show, I don't think I can go back now, knowing the organizers were willing to just give away a live animal as a raffle prize to whoever happened to win him.

As for whether you should add more birds to your flock, that is a personal decision and you shouldn't let what others think impact your decision. No bird will ever replace Colada, she was beautiful and she was your first lovebird. The pain will heal in time.

Hang in there,

[bellarains]

Joanie,

First, it is not what other people think about you, it is what you think of yourself that matters :) .

I think most people who don't understand the bond we have with our fids have just never been fortunate enough to experience it. There are of course people who just are not bird people, just like people who are not cat people, or dog people. I feel sorry for those who have not experienced this love, as I feel they have missed out on one of the greatest loves that exists.

It is very normal to still miss Colada, you probably always will. All the lovies in the world will not replace her, but they do help fill the hole in your heart. I think the most important thing is to try and balance having enough time to care for your fids, and also remember you have a life. I know myself that sometimes I feel I don't go nearly as much as I would if I did not have my birds, but that is a sacrifice I give freely. I have had to tell myself many times though that between work, family, etc..... I have my hands full giving all my animals the attention that they deserve, and that usually keeps the dark side at bay ;) I personally like to have a relationship with all my fids, but that is me personally. As you have pairs, they do keep each other company, so that does help. I also have three cats and a dog to divy up my time to, so that also keeps the dark side at bay.

As long as you are able and willing to give these little ones everything they need and deserve, then that is the important thing. It is kind of like having children. You always want to give them all that you can, so you plan to be able to do so from their birth until they leave you. The very best is what all parents want for their babies :D

Hope this helps life you up a bit :happy:

[Paulette]

Hey Joanie....Those are precious lovies at the shelter.....I have always had parakeets over the years and currently have 2 pairs, recently my son brought me a cockatiel, it seemed really lonesome so I went on the internet to see what I could find out about them and what other people feed them, etc....I found lots of information and started printing it so I could refer to it(bedding/food/grooming/taming...you name it)& I have a huge binder full of info., I also found shelters and one with cockatiels. So I adopted a sweet male to go with my supposed female;the shelter said from it's decription it was prob. a girl(but its albino so it was hard to tell). The same shelter had two bonded lovebirds and I just couldn't stop thinking about them. So my husband let me adopt them too only a couple of weeks after the tiel. This was a 2 hour drive one way mind you and they came 1 hour to meet me. And I really do want another pair of pallied lovebirds, but I can't find any around here. I also want a pair of zebra finches for my birthday coming up shortly. So....I think you just love birds.....and that is absolutely ok. My only prob is my mom is pestering me to stay over a couple of days at our next family reunion and I'm trying to figure out if I can take the fids or not. My family will feed them, but they won't let them play out of the cages and have a bath every day. So you need to think about when you're away. It will all work out. Hang in there.
Paulette

[LauraO]

Joanie: I will say that Jennifer said it best for me and I get extremely emotional over the conditions of animals and especially peoples' total lack of understanding regarding their birds.

As for missing Colada, that is totally understandeable and I still think about her whenever I see pics of Kirby or you tell stories about him. I lost my lovebird Chopper almost two years ago because we left him uncaged and he got out. He was, literally, one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. I still deal with the loss of that friendship as well as the feeling of letting someone who depended on me down as when he was lost I'm sure all he thought about was where is Laura was :cry: :cry: . We had four birds when we lost Chopper and after the weeks of searching and all the ads, posters, and false hopes we quickly started collecting more lovies. Today we have 17 lovies and more than that have come in and out of my life and I tell you though I love them all, I still think about my Chops and miss him more than I can express :( .

Whether you get more lovies, birds, etc. is really up to you. Who cares what other people think. No matter what we do someone is going to have a problem with it. I will say I agree with Lori in that my life revolves around my birds. I often don't go out, rush home or forego vacation because I'm committed to them. If you do get more, I'm glad you realize there are soooooooo many lovies and other birds out there that need homes and many of those will never find their way to shelters, etc. I know, that's how I met Cookie :D.

[mangotiki]

Joannie, you sound like a wonderful person and any animal would be lucky to share a home with you. If you have the time, space and money to offer a great home to birds in need (and all birds do need a great home!) then go for it. As far as anyone thinking you are crazy, well, you have only 4 birds, that is no big deal, so I guess if they already think it then getting more wont really change anything!!!!

Alot of people think I am crazy too..13 lovebirds with 6 babies, 6 finches, 3 budgies and 2 teils. That makes 30, I think...I love watching them, preparing their food, spending time with them, etc...you are certainly not alone as you can see by all the replies to your post!!!

Traci

[butterfly1061]

Joanie,

I think we all understand how you feel. When I bought Molly from the breeder at the show, I swore I wouldn't go back to her again. But I did and bought Daisy. I feel like I "rescued" two beautiful babies and gave them a home that is much better than the next person to have come along. I have so much love for Molly & Daisy. They are my life. I have never married (came close once) or had children and my lovies make up for what I think I've missed in that part of my life. My parents & friends will never understand the bond I have with my birds. My brother is the only one nearby who feels the same and can understand. I am also a cat lover and I still miss my Brandy (persian cat) who passed away over 10 years ago. I'm glad I still have my pictures for memories. Keep your chin up and remember you have given a good home to the lovies you have now. I too still want more. I just can't get enought of their love. :happy:

[Janie]

Joanie, I'd be willing to bet that all of us on this forum understand how you feel. The fact that after 2 years I still have only ONE lovebird just blows my husbands (and kids) mind! :) My reason for waiting to get two more (that can hopefully be caged together) is that I adopted my lovie when he was around 7 years old and I didn't think it was fair to him, at that age, to bring in one more since he really deserved all the attention he'd never gotten before. If I'd started this addiction (and, it is) buying one baby lovie, I would definitely have added a second within a few months. Right after I adopted Oliver I started spending time at a bird specialty store and I came home and told my husband that "bird people are a little on the crazy side" and he said, "well, you fit right in!" :D There are "cat" people, "dog" people, etc. but I do believe that "bird" people are different than any other group of animal lovers. I love cats and dogs and have an 11 year old Sheltie (my girl!) but nothing prepared me for the feelings I've have for a bird! I was truly amazed at myself and how fast I fell in love with this bird. Maybe it's because the closeness is even more so than with a dog or cat. Right this minute, Oliver is hidden under my hair, sleeping but my dog is at my feet, under the desk. Unless Oliver is in his cage sleeping or eating, he's ON me and it's just the best closeness in the world to me! So, I can easily understand why you want more and especially when they are birds in need of a home. If I ever walked into a rescue site, I'd be a goner! I will add this.....I think it's important to take on as many as you have the time and attention for and as long as you know you can handle the responsibility of that, who cares what anyone else thinks! *I* wouldn't! :D Some woman that I met at the bird store told me she had 45 parrots. I mentioned that to the owner and he said that is way to many birds to interact with. The woman is not a breeder and those 45 birds are supposed to be pet birds. So, I would call that a tad bit over-board.

I've told Jackie several times that if I lived alone, I'd have at least TEN! Maybe more!

[Joanie Noel]

Thanks to you all for your replies. They were all so heartfelt. I have to say that some of the people on this board truly are more genuine than most of the people I've met in real life, and I hope to meet some of you someday. I don't know what I would do without the knowledge I've been given from here and the people at my fingertips to talk to! It's good to know that many other people are addicted to lovebirds just as bad. Anyone think we should start up a group called L.A.A.? :rolleyes:

~ Joanie

[LOVIEnMILO]

I know what you mean about wanting to save every lovie you see, because you know you could give them a better life than the pet stores or shelters ever could.

I am really happy with three lovies, and I have a rabbit too. I don't know if I'll ever get more, four pets for now is all I can handle I think. Plus, I want to have kids in the next two years, and I don't want to ever not have time for my pets. I'm thinking ahead. Some people would think I'm nuts for saying that, but I don't care, my pets are my children also. They deserve the best, they ask so little of me and give me so much love in return. And I am still in awe of my little Scooter, who is a product of Lovie and Milo, I can't believe my sweet little fids made a cute little yellow offspring! I love my pets more than I like people a lot of the time, when everybody lets you down in life, my birdies are always happy to see me and make me feel better. All three have such awesome but distinctly different personalities. (now i know a non-bird person would think i'm nuts, but it's true!)

So don't care what other people think if you want more lovies. Just take the time to think it over carefully so it's not an impulse buy. There will always be more lovies. You definetly are a wonderful fidmomma and any lovie would be lucky to have you! :) :)

And this may be awful to say but another reason I don't want more lovies is because I am finding it difficult to go on a week vacation and my husband and I love to travel but I don't have anyone to watch my lovies. My sister watched them last year when I had two, but she is not a bird person, she wouldn't know if they were sick or needed a vet. I could board them I guess, but then I worry about them getting bird flu or catching something. I wish we members all lived closer to each other and could watch each others birds for one another. Kind of like an extended family for our birds when we have to travel or be away for a few days. :)